Buddhism for Couples: A Calm Approach to Relationships
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Learn Buddhist principles that can help enrich your romantic life, your life in general, and the lives of those around you.
Surely a happy marriage for a normally adjusted couple is a simple matter of give-and-take—some patience, tolerance, and just trying to be cheerful as often as possible. There is no shortage of books providing relationship advice that can help us with these matters. But Buddhist teachings address more than just surface knowledge, and guide us to delve deeper into our psyches.
With an emphasis on self-compassion, Buddhism for Couples explains how to apply Buddhist teachings to your relationships to patch things up, hold things together, and, even on good days, scale the heights of relationship happiness. Written for both men and women, this book tackles the loaded subjects of housework, anger, sex, conflict, and infidelity, and introduces Buddhist strategies that can enrich a relationship.
Humorous and informative, Buddhism for Couples provides a fresh approach to living as a couple, persuading us to leave behind stale, habitual ways of relating that don’t work.
relationship with our partner to reinforce our false sense of self. We feel a strong sense of separation from our partner: our interests are opposing, his gain is my loss and vice versa. We compete: me versus you. No “we.” No “us.” We keep score: I did more housework and child care than you, I had a harder day, I have a tougher life. We see only differences and overlook our common humanity. We fuel the false sense of separation, which in turn fuels our dukkha, our experience of life as
bare attention, was by no means inflexible about how we cope with unskillful or unhelpful thoughts that lead to painful results. This quotation from the Buddha suggests a place for positive thinking: If some unskilled thoughts associated with desire, aversion or confusion arise and disturb the mind, you should attend instead to another characteristic which is associated with what is skilled. . . . It is like a skilled carpenter who can knock out a large peg with a small peg. Among other advice
Version_1 CONTENTS Title Page Copyright Introduction 1 • The Difficulty of Living as a Couple 2 • Letting Go 3 • Mindfulness of Our Thinking 4 • Battling Negativity 5 • Anger 6 • Housework 7 • Communication 8 • Reducing Stress and Anxiety 9 • Who Is Our Partner? 10 • Sex 11 • Infidelity 12 • Tolerance of Difficult Behavior 13 • Forgiveness and Understanding 14 • Turning Things Around 15 • Being Authentic and Present with Our Partner 16 • Cultivating Love 17 • Sorting Out What
shared friends did have fewer problems than the “no friends shared” group but did not enjoy the same protection from problems as the “all friends shared” group. The reasons for such a finding remain unknown.5 Yikes, I thought. Tomek and I have some shared friends but they all live outside Sydney so we rarely see them. Otherwise, our closest friends are all relatively unshared. I never meet his car-racing friends or work colleagues. He rarely meets my closest friends, who I mainly catch up with
Kelley, E. Berscheid, A. Christensen, et al. (Clinton Corners, NY: Percheron Press, 2002), 382. 4. L. Doyle, The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace with a Man (New York: Fireside, 2001), 18–19. 13: Forgiveness and Understanding 1. Weiner Davis, The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido, 53. 2. Salzberg, Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness, 93. 3. Integrated Behavioral Couples Therapy: Review of Jacobson and Christenson’s